Masopher's Mind

Europe lumbers along aimlessly, not yet a federation not quite countries in isolation. Sitting in a small cafe in Portugal I appreciate the opportunity brought to the region and flying into Germany I recognise the effort that being in the Union brings. With Greece and the southern states there is a measure of consistency that the euro brings. In the countries to the north there is a tangible feeling of burden and uncertainty. The English who are in the zone but out of the currency struggle with Europe’s economic weakness but are spared from it’s political weakness and it is precisely the political weakness that makes it’s economic weakness so stark. With divergent governments each struggling to pacify it’s populations of unique temperament, there is no golden mean by which all countries can be lead. Politically, Europe swings right and left at the same time. When one region adopts social policies another is adopting conservative policies each undermining the other. The stormiest place of all is Brussels itself, seat of the Union. One would think that we would find a common goal here which struggles to implement itself across a wider geography. What we find instead is a bureaucratic nightmare with every innocuous party in existence across the 28 states represented and struggling for the soul of Europe’s future. Instead of right left centre and others you find Frankenstein monster coalitions of Nazi sympathisers and conservatives, communists and liberals, extremists and green. In the smaller space of Brussels you find more factions and more fractions; less in common than you would find across normal international boundaries. The biggest spoilers are the plethora of miscellaneous parties which are marginalised on their home turf but powerful in this arena.
With so many differences sometimes it is a wonder that Europe exists at all. At the beginning if the 20th century this region engulfed the entire planet in two intense conflagrations. This belligerence signalled the rise of Russia America and China and the decline of Britain and Japan. Now only 100 years later it undertakes an experiment in unity that could again reshape the destiny of the earth. If only they could agree on which way to go.

Have you ever used the word “lol”? Have you lost count of the cuddly animals or outrageously dangerous stunts you’ve seen on YouTube? Do you know who the numa numa guy is? Have you seen prisoners dance to Thriller? Have you ever clicked on a link and somehow been directed to “Never gonna give you up” by Rick Astley? Why do people “like” certain companies, media and products and how does one turn this attention into effective communication or marketing strategies? How does one design a creative that “goes viral” or in other words gets promoted and shared by existing social networks?.

When the internet was invented I doubt the scientists ever envisioned that it would be used for sharing news, trading goods, meeting old friends, making new ones or “helping” with term papers. The internet allows us to do things that we would have done offline but faster and more often. No one could have possibly known there would be such an interest in cats!

Among the many phenomena present on the internet there is a disproportionate element of randomness that defies corporate attempt to control or capitalize. Among the hundreds of viral videos, pictures, blogs and websites, almost no company has managed to hold a measurable slice of the audience’s imagination.

There have been some mild successes. The 2006 Samuel L. Jackson film, Snakes on a Plane used viral marketing techniques to generate a sizable buzz for the film, due to interactivity and the absurdity of the premise. Despite the success in getting its name out there, the film was a box office flop. Similarly the 2008 monster film Cloverfield used internet rumours and word of mouth as a marketing tool and it too met with disappointing results. Conversely, movies like Star Wars and 300 have taken on lives of their own with relatively little effort from their originators, online or offline.

On YouTube, only one large company has managed to achieve over 1 million subscribers and a place in the top 24 subscribed channels; the monolithic Universal Music. Its high budget music videos and million dollar productions share their place with young men and women who collectively would not compare financially but whose’s success is based on being clever, outrageous, attractive but mostly just being themselves.

One company that has seemed to crack the code of viral advertising is the deodorant company Old Spice. In the campaigns, the spokes-model uses an over the top monologue while performing incredible feats. Another deodorant company, Lynx/Axe has also accumulated some success with a mixture of randomness and a more conventional approach of promised sex appeal.

An ongoing concern for many marketing and communication strategists is the inability to effectively measure ROI for social networks and understanding how campaigns “go viral”. Unlike Rick Astley’s song you don’t know the all rules of online phenomena, and neither do I. Watch this space.

Regarding the “spy swap of Summer 2010”, an interesting few points raised themselves to me.

Finally a few former cold war spies poked their heads above the parapet, mostly those tied back to the Spy museum in Washington DC. All current spies and think tanks remained quiet, except for a few casual opinions floated by the council on foreign relations. Think tanks deal with official policy rather than unofficial channels of information perhaps. I was regaled by a former KGB director as he let the current FSB officials have a full broadside of his disdain. One could tell that he styles himself one of the “true Cheka” and that he thinks the pretenders in Moskow are unprofessional buffoons. As they rightly would be; the KGB had godlike powers in the Soviet Union. Prime Minister Putin, a former KGB chief, has wisely crippled the agency so that he and his successor can sleep relatively peacefully at nights. The KGB was the breeding ground for Soviet Leaders who came to power with a wealth of dirty secrets and shadowy backers from the military and industry.

Nina L. Khrushcheva the great granddaughter of Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev was also contacted by one of the Russian spies. Hardly following in her sires footsteps she is a teacher/advisor on Media and Culture in the United States. She was approached by a “heavily accented” “Richard Murphy” who never once spoke or admitted that he was Russian despite Nina’s insistence that he give up the charade! She too seems to think that the FSB has produced some very poor graduates.

The swap itself happened very quickly arranged by Leon Panetta and the head of the Russian FSB. A plane full of Russian Agents left the states and landed in “spy city” Vienna. Another plane containing 4 Russian turncoats (KGB men and scientists who had spied for MI6 and the CIA) landed and the swap occurred, old spies swapped for new spies.

An Iranian spy story also emerged to less fanfare. Months ago an Iranian Nuclear scientist was reported to be kidnapped when visiting Saudi Arabia. He then turned up in the USA with conflicting stories; half the time saying he was kidnapped the otherhalf of the time saying he was seeking asylum. While the Russian spy scandal was going on he turned up at a Pakistani embassy asking to be taken back to Iran. Lots of beating for you when you get home Shahram! The American “backpackers” who are going on leisurely strolls between a country at war and a country that America has no official ties with were probably lumped in on the deal, even though everyone denies this so far.

Castro emerged from his hospital quarters showing final sparks of communist fervour. Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez locked up a few of his critics.

MI6 computer nerd Daniel Houghton who was trying to sell secrets to the (Israelis/Russians) is claiming he was acting under orders from schizophrenia induced “voices” probably wont be getting very far. Unlike the more exotic flavours of the cold war mentioned today, Daniel is just some dumb bastard trying to fuck his former employee for something that the Russians/Israelis probably already know or don’t care about.

It used to be a sexy world, but we all have seen what Daniel Craig does now. James Bond and Jason Bourne don’t use gadgets or have surreptitious, exchanges they have superhuman punch-ups. The spies of old probably do belong in the spy museum.